It’s late at night and I can’t seem to comprehend the pain I feel.
A pain I know I don’t deserve, yet it finds me as I am.
I reflect on this pain and see it’s a devise of my own making.
As though I knew this pain would be mine but chose to go with it none the less.
I could have had you, everyday and every night.
But I had to let you go or did I?
For my own selfish benefits,
I chose not to be with you.
I chose not to be truthful.
I chose not to be myself.
The happiness and joy I felt with you precedes it all.
The promise of a fulfilling life, all but a lie.
I see you in the mirror bearing a striking resemblance to my own soul.
I see my own reflection in you, pale and dreary.
In my loneliest hour, I sink further down this rabbit hole.
I feel like an impostor in the accolades of another.
I don’t deserve that joy or happiness that I once thought I needed.
My burdened soul weighs down the hope of redemption.
Knowing all too well that life isn’t fair.
And just like that, I’m alone again.
Far removed from the affection I longingly crave.
Indifferent to the desires of young blood.
A stranger in my own thoughts, waiting for attention.
My urge myself to think, think and think,
Surely this too shall pass.
— Eluzai Zion.